Voices: Valentine's Day Massacre

"Of course, personally, I think it would be tacky to wear diamonds before I'm forty." - Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany's

All my hopes to rise above cynicism appear to be in vain.
I'm seeing red again this Valentine's Day.
Literally.

There are at least six houses on my seven-minute drive home from work decorated with red and white lights for, I assume, Valentine's Day. True, my memory is marred by little black holes here and there, but I don't recall people expressing love this way five years ago.

It's a lifestyle development that can probably be credited to an increase in lighting options. In the '70s and '80s you could buy lights in Christmas tree multicolor or white and that's about it - unless you were a nightclub owner or happened to be filthy rich. This new millennia has presented us with hundreds of low-cost options to consume kilowatts like we've got an energy surplus.

Surely, there are better things to bitch about. Like the reported rising number of Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans who are unemployed and/or homeless. I should probably just leave these romantic suckers and their lights alone. I could, but where some see strands of festivity, I see a glaring example of America's plummet into shameless excess and bad taste.

Since glimpsing the advertising inserts in Sunday's paper, I've been afraid to go to the drug store. I just know I'll be attacked by one of those singing rhinoceroses clad in a "You make me horny" t-shirt. If this column sucks it's because of the nightmares I've had about those dancing, singing hamsters. Someone tell Condi that even if Europeans do forgive us for invading Iraq, they're still going to hate us because of all the cultural crap we've created.

Is a man in heart-covered boxer shorts really more attractive?

Maybe I'm missing the point? Should I hire a private eye to find my missing sense of humor? Could there possibly be a good reason to go see Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney in The Wedding Date?

Celebration is good for our karma: I'm certain of that. And nothing is more worth celebrating than love. But what exactly is the point of elementary school students exchanging mass-produced paper valentines?

The era of the loser kid who doesn't get any valentines is over, by the way. Twenty-first century grade school students are expected to acknowledge everybody, not just their classroom favorites. I imagine the valentine exchange is technically a lesson in cultural tradition; some rite of passage. But we all know what it really is - a contest to see which kid brings in the coolest valentines. Prove your social prowess by convincing mom to buy the ones with the coolest cartoon, movie or video game characters on them. Add candy for extra popularity points.

Participation may not be mandatory, but who wants to be the party-pooper that didn't give out any valentines? Or the weirdo Martha Stewart wannabe who made all of her cards by hand.

Yes, I have succumbed to cynicism. Still, I'll be damned before I let it sour my romantic Valentine's Day dinner.

True. I don't believe the Hollywood hype - we're not all just around the corner from finding eternal love with our one true soul mate - but it's not because I'm a cold-hearted bitch. It's because I believe love is more abundant than that. Some romantic fires were only meant to burn for a couple of weeks - why should that brevity make your passion moments any less euphoric? By all means, celebrate romance. Celebrate flirtation. Celebrate the knowing look. Celebrate feeling understood. Celebrate simultaneous orgasm.Celebrate the lack of fear that allowed intimacy to bloom. Celebrate first kisses and five thousandth kisses.

Celebrate love because unlike tacky merchandise, it can't be bought. But it can be every bit as prevalent as over-priced bouquets of roses will be this week. Do you see the irony?

We insist love is precious and rare. We are afraid of its power over us. Some of us will shun love any less pure than that they imagine sharing with a soul mate. And then... we'll buy stuffed sheep bearing hearts that read "I love ewe," to show how deeply we care.

-- Alicia Grega-Pikul, 10 February 2005

Send email to: apikul@timesshamrock.com.